എന്റെ ബാല

Figuring out where to begin is a challenge. Starting from the end and doing a flashback might seem easier, but that wouldn't capture the essence of Bala – a person all about beginnings and restarts in every facet of life. So, let's rewind to the very beginning, where the story of Bala unfolds.  

Back in 2005, as we were settling into our new house, transforming it into a home, I first laid eyes on Balan. He was deep in thought, toying with his "stamina sticks" (cigarettes) – a quirky term for those little sticks that make overthinkers like him feel queasy. Running low on my own "stamina sticks," I found myself in a backyard encounter.

There I was, in my yard, and there was Balan on his balcony, just a stone's throw away. Almost like a scene from a quirky movie, Balan tossed his cigarette packet my way and casually said, "Take it." And that marked the beginning of our unique relationship. Looking back, I can't help but wonder if we were friends in previous lives – a connection only the gods might truly understand.

There was an instant liking, an unspoken connection that tied us together. In hindsight, using "each other" seems fitting. If I were to pen down our first meeting on that day, I would have simply written, "I liked him instantaneously." It was the start of something special.

Following that initial encounter, my wife and I paid a visit to Balan's house, and that's when the official introduction to Balan and Devi (whom we affectionately called Devi Aunty) took place. While Balan's company appealed to me, it was Devi Aunty who captured my wife's heart. Her warm smile and welcoming demeanor were infectious, drawing us back to Balan and Devi Aunty’ s place on every possible occasion. I'd say most days found me at Balan's house.

Our friendship kicked off with the simple pleasures of "smokes" and later advanced to the realm of "liquor." The journey was a series of steps, with Bala, true to his nature, taking them one at a time. Yet, each of his steps forward felt like a giant leap for me. "Smoke & Liquor" became the glue of our bond, but it went beyond that. Our connection was rooted in our ability to share our personal situations, finding relief, and often brainstorming solutions together.

What made our relationship unique was the absence of judgment; instead, we simply listened to each other. It was a dialogue where, in the midst of our talks, I might suggest to Bala, "Why not try this or that?" He'd engage in ideation, and then we'd move forward. Bala brought an additional "20 years of age and experience" to the table, while I, in turn, provided a dash of youthful foolishness and the courage that comes with it.

As the days turned into a year, our visits and talks became a frequent and cherished part of our lives. The foundation of our friendship was not just the shared vices of "smoke & liquor," but the genuine connection built on open communication, understanding, and the willingness to support each other through life's challenges.

In 2005, we settled into our new home. A year later, career opportunities led to a move to Mumbai in 2006. Surprisingly, the distance didn't strain my connection with Bala. We kept in touch on every possible occasion. The year 2007 brought us back to Chennai as I geared up for a full-time education journey in 2008 and 2009. Meanwhile, my pregnant wife and son stayed back in Chennai.

During this time, Devi Aunty, stepped up admirably, taking good care of my wife as much as she could. Balan, despite his busy schedule, made a point to visit her whenever he was in town. Despite the physical distance, our conversations remained frequent. Bala would update me on his adventures at the factory, and in turn, I'd share the tales of my college escapades while I was away in the UK pursuing my education. The miles didn't diminish the strength of our bond, and our talks became a bridge connecting our lives despite the geographical separation.

The stretch from 2010 to 2011 brought us face to face with some of life's toughest challenges. In 2009, our family welcomed a new member when my wife gave birth to our son. Yet, amidst the joy, a dark cloud loomed. My mother-in-law faced a fatal accident during the same period. Adding to the struggle, I found myself jobless, eagerly waiting for my dream job to materialize, but it seemed elusive, like kernels popping into popcorn.

That particular year became a financial tightrope walk. Our newborn required frequent hospital visits, and we found ourselves cash strapped. In the midst of this turbulence, Bala stood steadfast by my side, offering more than just a comforting presence. He would simply say, "Take it," without hesitation, asking only, "How much do you need?" This time, it wasn't about smokes; it was about something more critical – money.

Bala's generosity was unwavering, even though he knew, logically, that getting the money back was a distant possibility. It wasn't a decision from his head; it was a choice made from his heart, for the sake of my family. Each time he uttered those two words – "take it" – I couldn't help but express my gratitude. His support became a lifeline during a period when life seemed to throw everything at us at once.

Despite always believing that the day would come when I could say, "Thanks, here's your 'take it' back," it wasn't just about the money. It extended to his vehicles too, both two and four-wheelers. I continued to "take it" for a year, and by June 2011, my period of constantly accepting his generosity came to an end as I moved to another country.

Reflecting on this, I found myself wondering about the source of this man's unwavering confidence in me. Curiosity got the better of me, and I asked him once. His response was simple yet profound – "Your confidence gives me confidence." Here was a man who not only believed in me but took the time to reinforce that belief at every possible opportunity, reminding me to "be confident." His support went beyond material assistance; it was a boost to my self-assurance and a testament to the strength of our friendship.

As I moved abroad, Bala also bid farewell to Chennai, setting up a new chapter in Kottayam. Suddenly, Kottayam became a significant spot on my mental map and in our travel plans. Over the following year, I managed to gratefully settle all the "take its." I was out of debt, yet I couldn't shake off the feeling of being forever "indebted."

Retired from work, Bala, however, didn't retire from his commitment to helping others. His brain kept buzzing with ideas on how to make a positive impact, and all he sought in return was a simple acknowledgment. To keep himself occupied and his mind from wandering, he took to traveling.

Through these experiences, I came to realize that most of us need a non-judgmental shoulder to lean on, someone who listens without passing judgment. Bala embodied that supportive friend who was always there to lend an ear and offer assistance without expecting anything in return.

As life carried on, Bala and I maintained our regular connection. We exchanged emails and caught up on weekends. At the core of Bala's thoughts was always "Devi." He would confide in me, saying, "എടോ തന്റെ ദേവി ആന്റി ഹാപ്പി ആല്ലോ ദോ, എതെ ചെയ്യാൻ പാട്ടും !!!

On one occasion, I floated the idea of Bala and Devi Aunty traveling to Oman, suggesting that we could spend some quality time together. Both Bala and Devi Aunty embarked on a journey to Oman – a vibrant, warm desert with a soul. It was the year 2012, and together, we explored the beauty of Oman, visiting places like Sur, Jabal Shams, and Ras Al Hadd (Turtle Beach). Bala's demeanor reflected relaxation; his Devi was "happy" after a long time. I take a bit of credit for being a part of Devi Aunty’ s maiden foreign trip. From Oman, they ventured into the UAE, where they had a good time exploring.

Bala was not short of friends and relatives. He tirelessly worked to nurture these connections, extending a helping hand whenever possible. He WAS a trusted confidant, a keeper of secrets for many in his circle, always ready to support his friends and relatives in every way he could.

Bala opened up to me about how his decision to move back to Kottayam wasn't great for Devi. He realized that she felt lonely in their Kottayam house, maybe because it brought back not-so-great memories of her childhood. Even though Bala had fixed up their family home and made it look nice, he didn't realize that Devi felt trapped in a place she grew up.

Bala, despite trying really hard, couldn't make their house feel like a home. But here's the thing about him – he never gave up. He faced the failures with a strong front and kept on trying to create a warm home. This time, he got his two sons and their wives involved.

He loved his daughters unconditionally, and he strongly believed that good things would come back to them through karma, despite all the struggles. Bala's story is about facing tough times, failing, but still holding onto hope and working tirelessly for the people he loved.

Our parents would often complain about us taking time away from them to visit my dear Bala. However, my heart didn't have a choice – he was always my priority, just as Devi Aunty was my wife's priority. Time passed by, and one day, I saw a frail Balan. He confided in me that he wasn't well, and he feared his time had come. It broke my heart.

On one of those days, miles away at my home, I felt my soul reaching out to him. I tried calling him, but there was no response. In desperation, I called Devi Aunty, and then I called his son. Devi Aunty answered my call from an ambulance, and hours later, we received the devastating news that my dear Balan had left this world. Time seemed to stop for me.

Every time I think of him, my heart is filled with gratitude towards the universe for the time we had together and the memories we created.

I keep looking for Balan’s but then becoming Bala to someone is more important.

Bala's wisdoms were straightforward yet profound: steer clear of judgment, avoid causing harm, offer help generously, love without conditions, and stay connected. He stressed the significance of not taking relationships for granted, urging us to nurture them with care and diverse elements for enduring connections.

 

Credits: Bala , Devi , Chix , Sandy , Veena for the painting , ChatGPT for language..